What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
