I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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