If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
