plz talk dirty to me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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