walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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