She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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