Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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