At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize