I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
