Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
