I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
