my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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