I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
