He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
