What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
