I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
