I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize