i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
