What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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