Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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