god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my shit smells like andre
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
