Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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