We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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