You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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