i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
