Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
