Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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