you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize