So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
