Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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