The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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