can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize