I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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