4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize