I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
