but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
