i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
