I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
