your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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