Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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