sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
