The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
