You're my little dorito
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
