So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
