oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
