I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
