you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
