??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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