Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
