Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
