Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
