If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
