I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
