only if we run a train.
done.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
