I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
