OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
