super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
