she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
