Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I believe in your delicious
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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