He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
