hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize