You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
