Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
