i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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