I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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