dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
