you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
