D3 body, D1 cock
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
